Crème speaks on $10k Slay 2 Stay win and finding self love

After years of feeling like they didn't fit into Sydney's drag scene, local performer Crème recently claimed a standout victory – taking home $10,000 as the winner of the annual Slay 2 Stay drag competition at Oxford Street's Universal nightclub.

"I've never done a drag competition, and I've never really done drag or performances to this calibre – ever," said Crème (@callhercreme), known out of drag as Tarj McLellan, in an interview with Gay Sydney News.

"It was very out of my comfort zone – and that's part of the reason I wanted to do it."

But the road to the Slay 2 Stay crown wasn’t easy for the 25-year-old performer, who works as a manager at a national department store.

"I always felt a little bit 'othered' in the drag community, so to come into this and feel nothing but love and support has been amazing; it's just so validating," said Crème.

"I think early in my drag career … I was definitely [perceived as] more of a party girl/scene queen and I think that that ruffled a few feathers and sort of put me in a bit of a box.

"I would go out and use drag to sort of hide behind what was going on in my personal life.

"Because I had no confidence, I'd put on drag, I'd look really pretty, I could control how I looked, and I'd dance around with my friends and get drunk and party.

"So people only really saw me in that way. It was nice to rewrite the story and show people otherwise.

"No one really expected me to be a performer."

The performance that secured her win and the crown about three weeks ago was deeply personal.

"I think anyone can get up there and do a c-nty mix and do choreo, but I wanted to do something that sort of showed a bit more of an emotional side to me – because throughout the competition I got critiqued on being a bit of a cold-faced bitch. So I wanted to reflect on the last three years."

Crème said the past few years of her life had been particularly difficult.

"I went through a really shit time," she said. "I just wanted to get up there, show a piece of myself that people probably haven't seen before and write a bit of a love letter to myself and to all my friends and family that helped me through that dark time – and look f—ing good while doing it."

The show-stopping act blended vulnerable storytelling with powerful anthems. It opened with a poem written by a close friend of Crème's, moved through survival with Shontelle’s "Impossible" and self-protection with Faouzia’s "Don't Call Me", and closed with the empowerment of David Guetta's "Titanium", featuring Australian singer Sia.

The poem, written specifically for the finale, "was all about being broken, finding myself; 'I might I might be hollow, but I’ll grow and I’ll conquer',” Crème said.

Meanwhile, "Impossible" was "a reflection on surviving through something that put me at a point where I didn't know if I would want to wake up the next day".

And Faouzia's "Don't Call Me" illustrated "saying no to those people that might be coming back into your life, trying to bring you down, gaslighting you and being toxic".

"I did that song as sort of like a bit of a 'f–k you' to the individual that may have brought me down to that level."

"Titanium" rounded out the storyline of Crème "rising to my grace".

The performance ended with the words “I loved you, but I love me more”, which Crème said reflected a personal realisation. "Because through the whole experience I realised that without showing up for myself, you don’t really have anything."

The finale left a strong emotional impact.

"I had a few people message me saying that they felt the emotion and were crying," Crème said. "If that performance reached out and touched someone and made someone feel heard, then that in and of itself makes me feel even more like a f–king winner."

While winning the competition was a major milestone, Crème said some of the feedback along the way weighed heavily.

"I think my pit [of the competition] was around Gaga week, when I was in the bottom," said Crème when asked about her pit and peak of the competition.

"I had a bit of a spiral; a crash out. I messaged [co-host] Carmen and I was like, 'I feel like I'm … putting in so much effort, I'm just getting critiques that I'm pretty and my critiques are very different to what the other girls are getting critiqued on, and I feel like I'm getting nitpicked.

"I sort of spiralled a little bit, and I think that was my low point.

"And then I think my peak was probably, weirdly enough, the physical challenge.

"I know that I won that week, but it was probably the first week that I started to feel really comfortable with the other performers … and I let my walls down, and I started to actually just have fun with the competition and not take it so seriously and take myself so seriously.

"It was just so much fun and continued to just be fun from there."

Winning Slay 2 Stay brought not only the $10,000 prize but new possibilities. Crème hopes to use the winnings to take her mother, who has faced a difficult year with illness, on a holiday.

"My mum's a very unwell lady and we've had a bit of a shit year with her health, and I just want to do something really nice and take her on a holiday and get her out of the headspace that she's in.

"So that's my main priority. I'm not going to do a crazy whole Europe trip; just something nice for me and my mum to experience together."

Looking ahead, Crème said the competition helped her realise she deserves space in the industry.

"So I'm hoping that opportunities come from this. I've put in a lot of effort and I hope that that effort is seen and people resonate with Crème and want to keep seeing her perform."